Note E1101
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Note E1101 |
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This song was written by heather Fletcher. She wrote lyrics for the whole length of the original song; but as with her version of "I'd Like To Teach the World to Sing", I cut them for brevity (though they were very good). Even worse, I've lost the the original! Sorry heather. This song appeared only in the Edinburgh version of The Nikado, because our Astorre (Marshall R Gile) couldn't make it to Philadelphia, and when John Gleason was "volunteered" by his wife Carol to do this role, I asked him to do a new song. So in Philadelphia we had 'The Bigwig Song" (based on 'When I was a Lad' from HMS Pinafore) instead. I think the Jury would have preferred to keep in "Mercen'ry Condottiere" as they so enjoyed yelling out the "we're not buggers" part!
The original of Mercen'ry Condottiere was "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" from "The Pirates of Penzance".
Incidentally, the "That's My Boy!" just after the song finishes, is a reference to Spike the Dog from "Tom & Jerry" who frequently and proudly says this about his son, Tike.
| I am the very model of a modern Major-General | I am the very model of a mercenary condottiere | ||
| I am the very model of a modern Major-General I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. |
Astorre | I am the very model of a mercenary condottiere I've evidence on Nick of which the jury should be made aware I know the Dukes of Burgundy; can quote Nick's fights historical From Naples through to Bruxieres in order categorical I'm very well acquainted though with rulers quite tyrannical But know a lot of swear words which upset the puritanical About Nichlas's antics I am teeming with a lot of news With many cheerful facts revealed by strumpets in the Flemish stews |
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| All | With many cheerful facts about the square of
the hypotenuse. With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoten- potenuse. |
Jury |
With many cheerful facts revealed by harlots in the Danzig stews |
| Gen | I'm very good at integral and differential calculus; I know the scientific names of beings animalculous: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. |
Astorre | I'm not to hot at calculating cannon ball trajectories So leave that job to randy blue stained nailed Brugeoix apprentices With stitched up eye and ragged ear, I point my beard high in the air For I'm the very model of a mercenary condottiere |
| All | In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General. |
Jury | With stitched up eye and ragged ear, he treats Nick like
a son and heir He is the very model of a mercenary condottiere |
| Gen | I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox, I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous; I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies, I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes! Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore. |
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| All | And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore. And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pina- Pinafore. |
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| Gen | Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform, And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. |
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| All | In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General. |
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| Gen | In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin" When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin, When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat", When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery-- In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy, You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee. |
Astorre | I told the Widow how her son died, evry word I said was true
He had fought well and was still fighting when the final bugle blew Though Nick's abortive rescue charge effectively obscured my view I swear an oath Felix's death was just a bolt out of the blue You asked for my credentials and for facts to judge Nicholas's guilt But I know nought of business or the trade on which his empire's built Blame him for the extinction of his fellows, say you're quite bereft But looking round I'd say there were too many of the buggers left! |
| All | You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee. You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee. You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a sat a gee. |
Jury | Blame him for the extinction of his kindred, say we're quite
bereft But looking round he'd say there were too many of us buggers left How dare he say there are too many of us buggers (we're not buggers!) left |
| Gen | For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century; But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. |
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| All | But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General. |
Astorre | For he's my boy and innocent I beg you all his life to spare
Upon the honest word of a true mercen'ry condottiere! |
Updated 06 Jan 2002
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